- 10th December- Judith
- I just wanna live, just wanna live, just wanna live! -
"Morning, sleepy hat" were the first words I heard in the morning. It took me a few minutes to recognize that it was Zero who's lying beside me and that my dog could not speak to me. Sometimes I'm a little bit crazy...
"Ehm... sure sure. Morning." I rolled over on the other side, not realizing that there was no other side. I found myself lying on the floor. "You're alright?" He could not restrain his laugher any longer . I'm such a freak! I had to laugh 'bout myself, too.
"This is so embarrassing." I grabbed one edge of the bedspread and drew it over my face. "You're too funny!"...
"It's Saturday. Do you have any plans for today?" I asked curiously. "No, not yet. Do you?" I sat in the kitchen waiting for breakfast. "No. But in a few minutes." He had no idea what my answer should mean, he tried to hide it, though. "Ehm... okay."
No five minutes later the door bell rang. "Would you do me a favor? Open the door." I knew who would ran screaming in the kitchen to ask me out. "No problem." He stood up and walked through the hall...
- 10th December- Zero
- Girls just wanna have fun?! -
When I opened the door, Rachel and Eve stared at me in disbelief, both looking in each other eyes and then running through the hall in the kitchen to Ju, screaming: "JU! What is he doing here? Did we miss something? Did you...!? Why didn't you call us?!"
Now I understood why Judith said, she would have plans for today so soon. Eve and Rachel seemed to come over every Saturday and they didn't know I was here. I walked back to the kitchen where Eve and Rachel were sitting on the table asking Judith out. "Hey guys, I was having breakfast until you two showed up. Get yourself a chair and then let me eat a few minutes more... Zero, come in again, please. I know they're like wild animals sometimes..."
"Mhmm...", was all I could say. I watched the three girls with disbelief.
The three of them were so different, but you could say as soon as you saw them together:
They're friends for life!
I sat down again following their talk in silence, taking a closer look at Rachel and Eve.
Rachel. Her blond hair looked interesting on her dark skin. She was no black girl, though. Maybe her parents are from Mexico or something. Her bright green eyes looked as if they could look deep inside you, searching for answers who lay underneath your shape.
"Hey! Stop looking at me as if I'm an attraction in circus!" ... She's the girl full of spirits in the clique (if you can call them a clique).
And then there was Eve. When you look at her, you would say she's shy. Sometimes she is, but she can be devilish, too! Her eyes, her nose, even her mouth make you think she's as kind as an angel. They lie! She wasn't as pale as Ju, but somehow pale, too. Eve talked and talked an talked...
Sometimes Ju rolled her eyes and Rachel did, too. "Eve, calm down."
I noticed I was still just wearing boxer shorts so I stood up, going to Judith's bedroom to dress again. Nobody cared at all that I was away... They now just had the privacy they needed to talk about me.
- 10th December- Judith
- I gotta follow my heart, no matter how far, I gotta role the dice, never look back and never think twice, cause I want just admission! -
"Tell us everything!", they whispered. They just waited for Zero to leave the kitchen. How could he be so mean. "There's nothing to tell. I didn't want to be alone so I asked him to stay. We went sleeping and we awoke in the morning. There's no need to tell you everything what happened!" I hoped for mercy that both of them would not torture me until I told them every detail of yesterday's eve. "Ju, we're friends, you know? ..."
Zero, I pleaded in my thoughts. I was lucky he entered the kitchen just in time.
"I want to talk to you.", he said in my direction. Nobody moved, so he added: " Alone?"
Rachel and Eve looked at me offended. "See you." I waved them goodbye and the both of them stood up to went home. Rachel won't forget about that one.
As soon as we were alone he began: "I had an idea. You've never been at my place, did you? I would like to show you my home and maybe even my parents. If you don't want to, Ju, just tell me no." I've always have been curious about his life. I knew he's rich and all. He already told me what can be told. To see it with my own eyes would be different, though.
After a few minutes of silence he told me: "Okay. No problem. So you don't want to." His eyes showed how much it was hurting him. "No no no no! I'm just so taken by surprise. I'd love to see who you really are and what your life's like!"
After an hour I was finally ready for visiting his home. I was still nervous because I may meet his parents and so on. I had no idea what to were. I didn't want to be too crazy, boring, overdressed...
When I finally sat next to him while we drove to Zero's I first noticed what car I was sitting in. "This is a Porsche. A Porsche Turbo!?" ... I thought he was rich. No, he isn't. Rich isn't the right word for how much money his family has to have! "It's not mine, though. I borrowed it from my dad. I've got an Aston Martin V8 Vantage Roadster. Great car!" Nothing left to say. "... and I'm taking the subway." I shook my head in disbelief. "It's not my fault!" His laughter made me smile.
The "house" could no longer be called house. I think it's more a villa. At least it wasn't a palace. "Welcome home.", he said lovely, giving me a huge hug. "Thanks..." I felt so nervous... but everything I saw was amazing:
The house had it's own style. Modern old I would say. Okay, this is ridiculously. From the outside it looked very old. "It's build in the 19th century and was restored when my parents moved in. You can call it a free time activity of my mum."
He moved on, pulling me with him to show me the inside of the villa. The hallway seemed to be endless. I knew Zero had two sisters and a brother. I saw the whole family on a picture. Zero seemed to be the nicest one of them. His brother was in my age- sixteen. His sister, too, was younger than Zero, she was only 14. The other sister, Jenna, was his twin. They were the oldest children of Mr. and Mrs. Hale, they're eighteen.
The first room to our right was the kitchen. It was all red and black with some white tied in. A big table was standing in the middle of the room with six chairs around. The wood was so dark brown, it was nearly black. The counter tops were standing at two of four walls. The wall were you're entering the kitchen was decorated with pictures of the family. The other free wall was the one with the windows. The window was wide so it took nearly the whole wall.
"It's so beautiful! Amazing...! Who's cooking in your family?" I walked through the kitchen to take a closer look. "Actually, everyone. Everyday someone else, at Sunday the whole family. It's kind of funny." He smiled, remembering some funny things who may happened by cooking. "Cool. So you're better than me at cooking, because I am very very very bad at it. I can be lucky I did not burn the kitchen down yet."-
"You're too funny! ... C'mon! Living room's the next one." I followed him, holding hands with Zero. When we entered the room his mother and sister were in there. Mrs Hale was reading a book and looked up for a moment to see who's coming in. "Zero, you're finally back?"-
"Yeah. Mum, this is Judith Tyrell." I'm sorry. I really am but I do not like her. She looked skeptically at me saying nothing but: "Okay." and then concentrated at her book again. She may knew I'm not a high society girl or something like that. It's just me: Judith. She's the one who's discourteous. "Nice to meet you.", I said as if nothing has happened.
Zero's sister, Jenna, stood up and stepped away from the piano to greet me. She gave me a hug saying: "Nice to meet you, Judith." She was good-looking. A girl who breaks every boy's heart. "Yes, it's nice to meet you, too!" I was lucky to have found at least someone (except Zero) who was nice to me. The living room was bright and showed the big garden. A personal paradise. Life seems to be so easy when you've got money. I was sure: I don't need money to be lucky, though. I already got what I wanted to have in my life. Zero belonged to those things.
After the bathroom for guest we went upstairs. Another hallway with many rooms. He showed me one after another... every one of them had it's own style. No room was like the other. Jenna's room looked like I was standing in a Japanese one. Her bed was a futon and so on... but really pretty!
His brother's room was a mess, to be honest. I can't tell what the floor looked like, because I never saw it?! ... He was one of those sport freaks, though: He played baseball, basketball and soccer. I don't know... when you talk to him you think he's arrogant but a minute later you would say he's the greatest boy you've ever met. Okay, except me. I still love Zero.
The room for guests was the next one we entered. Bright green walls with white furniture. It was a beautiful contrast and the balcony showed the lovely garden. A flat screen TV was standing on a sideboard next to the wardrobe. The room had everything you'd need (or not need) while you're staying at the Hale's.
While we walked through the house we talked about everything what came on our mind. I asked about his family, but he never did asked me. I felt thankful. I won't talk about it, that was something he knew by one look into my eyes. We finally stood in front of his room, the only one missing until now. He opened the door for me, letting me get in first.
The walls were painted dark grey with a few silver designs tied in. The furniture was bloody red but it all came out just right. "You're making me jealous!", I laughed. The sofa was standing at the wall next to the door. Opposite of that wall there was a wall out of glass with just a small stripe of wall where the flat screen TV hung at.
"I'm sorry for that...really!"
We sat down at the sofa to continue our talk. "...Zero? Can I ask you something?"-
"Ask me whatever you want me to ask."
"I worried about meeting your parents and after your Mum acted ...like she did I'm not sure if I am really welcomed here." I looked down at the floor, scared of his answer. He pulled his arm around me to make me feel better. "Don't worry. Her behavior isn't the best, I know that and I feel sorry for that, but it won't change until I'm dating a girl as rich and... she would call that beautiful as Paris Hilton or something. She'll never understand I'm not someone who loves the money a girl has got, or the clothes." I just nodded. I wasn't welcomed because I'm not rich enough for his mother. "Ju? Forget about it okay? You see, Jenna and Matthew like you, too."
I really enjoyed the afternoon, despite the spoil of his mother. We had some lovely hours ... watching a DVD, huddling against each other, ...
He drove me home after I was falling a sleep all the time. "You've got to work tomorrow. You need to rest, hon..."
He walked me up to my flat, kissing me goodbye before he left again. "And sorry, we won't see each other tomorrow. I'm away with my dad. So... see you Thursday!"
I could feel the pain in my chest, knowing I would miss him as soon as he drove away...
"Bye then! I love you and have fun by whatever!", I called after him. "Thanks, Ju! I will always love you, don't forget about that."
- 11th December- Judith
- Take a look at my life, all black, ... it's a dark, dark world and the people out there... it's only getting worse -
Everything was blurry because of the thousand tears I was crying in silence.
I was alone, without knowing what was the reason for me to have fainted...
I just remembered what has happened at work:
When I've been waiting for someone to order, I saw Zero's mother coming into the coffee shop. Right behind her a blond girl, looking distrustfully at me. I didn't know her.
"Mrs. Hale, nice to...", I started, but she disturbed me by telling me: "Just save it!"
What was going on, I was asking myself at that time.
"We need to talk to you, outside.", the girl said then, "It's important so let's do it know."
I looked at my fellow Nina. When she nodded, I went outside the shop with the two of them.
I still remember every word they said...
"So you're the new girlfriend of Zero's?...", the blond eyed me sceptically, "Who do you think you are? You've got nothing... he'll never love you. He's just a boy playing with one girl after another. We're here to help you getting him off." She already shouted at me, angry, being upset about something I didn't know at that time...
"Who are you? ... And why should I believe you at all? Zero told me he loved me no matter how rich I am or not. Why should I trust in your words? I don't know you at all. Just because you're jealous..."
My eyes wandered between Mrs Hale and that girl who came with her.
"I'm Scarlette. I was the latest girlfriend of you're perfect boyfriend, until you came. You think I'm jealous? Of what? ... You've got nothing I'd like to have. I wanted to tell you about your guy before you're the next one to be hurt by him. The next one with a broken heart. ...Do you know how many girlfriends that guy already got? Almost 40! And he's 18... Many, don't you think? Do you believe he loved 50 girls in about 6 years? I don't think something like that could be true..."
Mrs Hale added: "I stopped counting after a while... you'll be just like the other ones, boring after a few days."
Scarlette looked at the sky, wiping away a tear. "He hurt me so much, ... he finished our relationship when he already started to date you! It's okay if he want to break up, but please before kissing the next girl! ... No mercy for us. I don't want you to make the same mistake I did, because I would feel sorry for you. I already know what pain you'll feel in a few weeks, days, maybe just hours."
I was shocked about hearing all those things. I knew Zero loved me, I really did, but I saw no reason for Scarlette telling me lies...
"But... he told me about what girls you'd like Zero to go out with, Mrs Hale. All those perfect ones, having Daddy's money and so on. Maybe he tried to make you happy, wanted you to be proud or something. He would never break my heart... I am convinced of it!" I screamed out loud as if I wanted to wipe away that nightmare, as if I wake up or something like that.
"You're just so naive, Judith. He would break your heart the same way he always did. You're nothing special for him.", her answer came out so fast I wasn't sure she had been thinking about what she's saying.
"... I don't know what to think any longer...", I had to admit. There was doubt deep inside of my heart. I needed to ask one more question: "Where is he right know?"
I leaned at the wall as if I was already searching for something to steady myself.
"I knew you'd ask... and I feel sorry that I've to tell you: He's away with Victoria. They're together in history class.", Mrs Hale said with mercy in her eyes.
"I'm sorry for how I behaved in your presence yesterday, but I'm just so tired of all those girl. You seem to be nice, though." ... There was Scarlette? ...Everything was blurring around me............
I don't remember anything else. I just awoke in a dark street, somewhere I've never been before. When I stood up I felt like I was having a nightmare. I looked around, trying to recognize where I was and then leave this dark place. I was having a head ache and I was shaking, wearing no jacket...
After a while just standing around I saw a boy standing near to where I actually stood. He looked at me, curious. "Judith, what are you doing here? All alone...?", he began. At first I was wondering why he knew my name and who he was but when he came nearer I remembered him. Tony was somehow an old friend. He was always there when I had problems a few years ago. "Tony. You don't know how glad I am that you're here right now...I'd like to know what happened to me...I have really no idea. It's just... my head. Ouch, man!"
I was nearly fainting again, that's why Tony run to me to support me. "You look bad, sorry. I think it would be the best to walk you home..."
He walked me out of this maze. He knows the streets as if they where his home. Somehow they where everything he got.
After a while we reached the Central Park and crossed it. Not the whole one, just a small passage cause it's just a shorter way to my home. Once I looked up I saw something I never wanted to see... I remembered the talk with Mrs Hale and that girl, Scarlette, when I saw Zero sitting on a bench, chatting with another girl... before she leaned in to kiss him. What the...?
I looked down to the ground, asking Tony to walk just a bit faster ... he asked nothing, just did what I wanted.
I felt even more miserable than before. Actually I felt nothing. There was just a mix out of all my feelings: anger, sadness, letdown ...
When we finally reached my beloved flat, I gave Tony a huge hug, thanking him for having an eye on me when I still was fainted. "Without you I don't know if I'd reached my place."-
"No problem at all. We're still friends, aren't we? ... Looking forward to see you again. Not in this kind of situation, though."
Upstairs I locked the door, tumbling to the ground, crying. What was going on...? At least I can be sure of who told me the truth and who not...
I was all alone again, wasn't I? ...
- 13th December- Judith
- I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out...
having so much to say, watching you walk away
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go, but I'm doing it -
"Leave me alone!...Go away, Zero! I don't want to look into your eyes anymore, damn Liar! What do you want me to do? Just act like I saw nothing!? NEVER!"
I sat behind the door, trying to dry my tears,...
Zero was still knocking against my door, pleading open the door. I won't...
"What has happened to you? I was just one day away...", he whispered, but I still heard it.
"... Yes, one day. In one day there can happen so much, you should know."
There was just a thin door between us, but it felt as if he was miles away.
After about two hours he gave up trying to make me open the door and went away. I remembered him in the Central Park yesterday, with a beautiful girl, sitting on a bench, laughing. No, I was doing the right. No mercy for someone who never felt mercy for his 'friends'....
- 15th December- Zero
- Love seems like a mess, when it won't let go of me,
but when it's gone i don't feel...when it's gone i don't feel alive -
When I enter the Starbucks she's ignoring me.
When I asked her to let me in, she sent me away.
I just don't know what has happened between us...
I'd wish everything would be like it used to be, since I met her. It felt so right being with her, just acting like I wanted to. It was me, everyday when I was with her...
Maybe I should leave her alone for some days... until she would tell me what was wrong....
And if not...? I will have to think about that later. I hope, I won't have to...
Life still goes on, ... and on, and on... but that darkness, so close to me, I got used to after some days, would seem to never end.
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Comments
I hope that it is not autobiographical bus when I see the dates of this history, I realize that it is the current period. Or then, if it is autobiographical I hope that that will evolve in the good direction for heroin!
Friendships!
but I have to admit I don't really understand what you mean when you're talking about autobiographical or not and then heroin
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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music ♥
=RawEm0tion - Curious?
But I am not very gifted in English then perhaps whom I understand badly, if it is the case i'm really sorry ...
It's not autobiographical ... but I could imagine something like that to happen in real life, because I try to write it as if it's autobiographical.
I like the idea with the heroin!
... Nobody's perfect! I am sooo bad at french! Whatever... I think you're easy to follow when you write a comment or something like that
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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music ♥
=RawEm0tion - Curious?
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"I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Nothing else matters: For those ten seconds or less, I’m free."
--
And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music ♥
=RawEm0tion - Curious?
well I prefer that it is not autobiographical
Et tu parles véritablement très bien le Français , je t'assure que je le pense !
Merci beaucoup. Mais je vous dis ma note de français a lundi!
To be honest I'm all scared because my holidays will end then & I'll get two class tests back
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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music ♥
=RawEm0tion - Curious?
Well , i'm happy to read again a post your share, I were not seen more!
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